Sanji's Bounty Poster
by Kiarene
Summary: The reason Sanji never had a proper bounty picture. Tiny bit of ZoSan.


**Sanji's Bounty Poster**

"Mail! Mail call~!"

At Usopp's holler, the other crew members turned up on deck, curious. Meanwhile, the mail gull above was flapping away. It was unlikely to be personal mail - they don't often get that - but they do subscribe to newspapers, magazines, journals... the latest updates on pirate bounties…

"Hey, SUPER news! We made the news again!" Franky rifled through the pile of posters. "Looks like everyone got a level up too!"

Murmuring in excitement, the crew crowded around. Franky picked out their crew's posters and handed them to Usopp, who started sticking them to the mast with his Usopp's green-pop-sticky-tack. Luffy's went up first, then Robin's, then Chopper's…

Sanji wandered over, oh so casually, trying to hide his excitement. This is it - he would FINALLY get a respectable poster. His hands were trembling with anticipation and he had to hide them inside his pockets (but that was still in-line with his cool persona), and he didn't trust himself to say anything or comment on the other posters. His eyes roamed over the posters on the mast until…

"NOOO!"

Everyone turned to look at the distraught cook. Sanji clutched his hair in frustration. "WHY? In the shitty depths of nine hells, WHY do I have such abysmal luck?!"

He pointed at the offending piece of paper, finger fairly quivering in his rage. "There is no possible way they can get my picture wrong. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. I even noticed the marine bounty photographer at the last base we hit clicking away at me! How could that asinine idiot MISS?"

Sanji's poster was a photo this time, but a blurred shot that captured mostly his shoulder and a bit of his side profile, the side with the bangs, so nothing of his face can be seen. Sanji stomped away, the rest of the crew snickering.

Zoro hid his smug smile as he watched the cook stamp away, but when he turned his head, he noticed Robin looking calculatingly at him. Then she looked away. Zoro groaned; somehow, she suspected. Oh hell, this was Robin - she probably _knew_.

So he really was not surprised at all when she beckoned him aside later that day. Sighing, he put down his weights and followed her down into the cannon room. The opened portholes there and the crash of the waves against the ship would provide enough background noise to cover the sound of their conversation. Sitting down, the two pirates began to pack gunpowder into Usopp's specially made cannon balls, which exploded more than usual cannon balls. There was always little chores to do around the ship, and it was a good excuse.

They sat there for a while, packing gunpowder. Zoro knew Robin could sit there the whole afternoon quietly, so with a sigh, he opened his mouth.

"As you might have guessed, I… might have something to do with Sanji's bounty poster. Uh. The reason is because-"

"Oh, you don't have to explain," Robin said lightly, but there was an old, knowing look in her eye. Zoro looked at her uneasily. What _exactly_ did she know?

"I'm only surprised about two things," Robin continued, her hands still moving steadily as she scooped more gunpower. "That Cook-san's foster parent hadn't done anything… or told him anything."

"Tch." Zoro scoffed automatically. "That silly twit probably thought it was a compliment to his looks, not a warning."

"Cook-san does seem to be quite ...innocent." Robin smiled slyly. "I'm also surprised that you're the one protecting Sanji."

"I wasn't! It's not… well it is a bit but, well, I thought it would be funny to mess with his bounty poster… that's all," Zoro spluttered, suddenly remembering his earlier planned excuse.

Robin shot him a dry look, her eyebrow arched disbelievingly.

"Also… well, because like I said, he's a silly twit. With no sense of self-preservation at all. But he's nakama, for all his air-headedness." Zoro clamped his blabbering lips shut, a faint flush stealing over the back of his neck. Hell, he couldn't even explain it to himself properly.

He couldn't keep his eyes off Sanji when he first met the cook. In a world where most people were brunettes, Sanji's bright blond hair stood out like a beacon, his eyes the impossible shade of the sea. And where pirates were normally swarthy from days out in the open sea, his skin remains creamily pale.

Sanji had exotic coloring, which might have still been all right if he had a face like Duval or he was squat and fat. But no, that silly cook had to _look_ gorgeous too. Even his fussy suit did not cover him up as much as it highlighted the long lines of his lithe figure.

So when Zoro saw that marine photographer snapping photos of Sanji for his first bounty poster during a battle, without thinking, he grabbed the camera and tossed it overboard. He _knew_ who looked at these bounty posters and what the phrase "bring them in" sometimes end up meaning. It was no coincidence the pretty ones get captured a lot more often. And sometimes not for the world government.

Then he turned to the white-faced marine and growled, "That pirate. His face never gets on a bounty poster, understand?"

"But.. but I have to, uhm, get a, umm, photo for… I mean, he already had a bounty set..."

"Draw one if you have to. But make it ugly," Zoro snapped at the stuttering marine. His lips quirked up in a smirk when he imagined Sanji's reaction. He shifted the katana in his hand subtly. "In fact, please do. And I won't kill you. Do we have a deal?"

The photographer nodded rapidly.

"Nakama, huh." Robin said softly. Then after a few moments, she asked, "what about Nami?"

"That cunning witch can certainly take care of herself."

In fact, Zoro had not even given a second thought about Nami's poster. Paradoxically, she was in slightly less danger, even if her coloring was as exotic as Sanji's. Pretty girls were common, even among pirates, but pretty boys were much, much less common. There were very rich men who would pay plenty for a pretty blond boy.

In fact, Zoro suddenly recalled the last battle where that photographer was present. Sanji was right; that marine _was_ clicking away furiously. That lousy dipshit better not be keeping the photos on the side; Zoro knew he should have checked that camera's film, but they had a deal: no more throwing of cameras overboard, and in return, a clear photo of Sanji's face never makes it onto a bounty poster. He really should have amended it to: no pointing of that fucking camera at Sanji, fullstop.

Robin looked at Zoro's dark expression and snickered quietly to herself. Neatly, she finished the cannonball she was working on and placed it aside. Standing up, she quirked a small smile at Zoro and left.

Zoro felt unsettled. He always did around Robin and Nami. Females are all witches, the lot of them. He finished his own cannonball and left, feeling the sudden urge to go rile the blond cook.


End file.
